That’s The Way The Cookie Crumbls
So that’s the way the cookie crumbles! If you’re in NYC, and you find yourself at the intersection of 24th and 7th in ultra-cool Chelsea, you’ll see a line that’s… let's just say, long enough to loop around the block—twice. People are standing there, eagerly waiting outside a tiny store called Crumbl. If you’re as curious as a cat, you might find yourself asking, “What are they giving away for free?” Spoiler alert: absolutely nothing. I know this because I was the first customer there, back before TikTok made Crumbl the hottest cookie spot on Earth. Now, it’s massive!
I live a mere 100 steps from this sugar paradise, so I watched it rise from humble construction zone to local phenomenon. On opening day, with no line, I grabbed a cookie—for $5. Yep, it’s about the size of a small personal pizza, so it’s a “cookie” in the same way a puppy is technically a “dog.” I carried my fancy pink box home, planning to savor it as dessert after dinner, but I knew this cookie was big enough to be dessert for the next day too. Hey, at $2.50 per sitting, it's practically economical!
Curious, I did some research. Turns out Crumbl has 840 stores, and it’s been around only since 2017. I even watched the CEO on YouTube in one of those polite, but entirely content-free interviews. You know the ones: “Thank you for having me!” “No, thank YOU for being here!” Back and forth, all smiles and nods, because that’s our world now. But hey, this CEO loves social media, and apparently, that’s why people line up around the block—because he loves cookies and Instagram equally.
And who’s standing in these lines? Mostly people under 25, happily paying $5 without a second thought. I asked one guy, “How much did all that cost?” He had no clue. Just swiped his Apple Pay like it was Monopoly money. Another person, a young woman proudly holding a dessert the size of her face, confessed that her apricot tart was a whopping 700 calories. I suggested she cut it up, spread out the joy (and the calories), but she gave me the “Okay, boomer” look. Clearly, today’s youth don't want calorie advice from anyone with non-ironic life experience.
And here’s the kicker: 50 steps from Crumbl, there’s a Whole Foods. There, you can find pastries by the dozen, no line, and they’re actually affordable. Plus delicious since they throw their “healthy” principles out an pile on the sugar, cream, butter! Plus, this is Manhattan—walk two blocks, and you’ll find a French bakery that takes “cookie” to a whole new level. But Crumbl? It’s not about the cookie. It’s about the gram. People want that pink box for the ‘gram, as if holding it grants them instant influencer status.
The funniest part is watching them dive into the cookie the second they leave the store—no drink, no meal, just raw sugar on an empty stomach. Modern dining: one giant cookie, one heaping dose of guilt, served up with a side of wellness tips from Whole Foods regulars muttering about “bad carbs.” And that’s the way the cookie crumbles in 2024. TikTok eats first; common sense comes last!
